Bitter
by SilverBlaze8
Summary: Clark learns the hard way that sometimes we'll do anything to protect the ones we love. Dark tones and hints of CLEX plz read and review. -One-Shot Complete-


Disclaimer: I own nothing. Smallville is not mine and never will be.   
  
Author's note: Two days ago I woke up from a very weird dream which I believe was cause by reading lots of Clark/Lex slash the night before. This dream would not leave my head. It haunted me never straying far from my thought it took root and this is the result. As irony would have it writing the story out banished it from my mind but last night I had yet another Smallville dream which is now not giving me rest. Eventually I'll write that one out to. Song fragments are bitter by Remy Zero.  
  
Bitter  
  
_I'm waiting for something else  
I've already lost myself  
this day is descending  
the flower is bending  
and I tried to believe in these lies  
  
I tried to still see with black eyes  
I wanted to tame you but  
you never came  
  
Bitter  
just one more day when its already been too long_  
  
Clark wasn't sure what he expected when he got home. Well that's not true he had expected it to be like every other day. He'd do his chores, speed off to visit Lex (who he was totally not crushing on), then speed back for dinner and finishing touches on his homework.  
  
What he hadn't expected was to come home and find his mother calmly sipping at a glass full of what looked like liquor and his father slumped over the table an empty glass dangling from his slack hand.  
  
"Dad" Clark said worriedly rushing forward to search for a pulse.  
  
"Don't bother he's quite dead" Martha Kent said still drinking unmoved.  
  
Clark looked at her in disbelief but closer inspection showed strain around her eyes and the shock in her eyes.  
  
"What happened?" Clark asked fighting back the sudden tears that came. His father was dead. Oh god his father was dead.  
  
"I poisoned him" Martha said bringing him back to Earth and removing his tears with the shock.  
  
"What" Cark croaked out. At any other time he'd have cringed at the high pitched level his voice reached.  
  
"I poisoned him" Martha repeated.  
  
"Why?" Clark managed to get out.  
  
Martha drank silently for a few minutes or at least for what seemed like hours to him. Her gaze turned inward and Clark knew she was seeing something else that he couldn't.  
  
"I loved Jonathan Kent from the moment I met him. He wasn't what anyone had pictured for me not even myself but I knew he was it. He was mine and I was his. When we got married it was a dream come true for me.  
  
I left the city and the high lifestyle I'd known all my life. I moved to this small farm and learned to live without. I earned my keep and was the best wife a farmer could ask for. And I never once regretted my decision because I loved him that much.  
  
Then I wanted nothing more than to give him children. The kids he always talked about and that I soon found myself dreaming of. Little ones with my eyes and his hair or vice versa. Children that were a blend of us and showed the world our love. When I found out I couldn't have children a part of me died.  
  
I could never give him something he wanted so desperately. I pushed it back and tried to forget it because if I didn't the agony would consume me. When we found you a part of it faded and it was easier to push back. You filled the gap and gave us a child to love. A gift from the heavens literally." Martha said and now tears began to come to her eyes and she took a deep swallow.  
  
Clark just watched unsure of what to do.  
  
"Today I found out that your father had an affair while I was working for Lionel. And she's pregnant. He cheated on me which I might have been able to forgive but to have a child with someone else is something I could never forgive. The one thing I couldn't give him and has haunted me forever someone else gave him. Do you know how that feels? What a failure it makes me? He poured salt into a wound that never fully healed.  
  
When you bury things they don't disappear they just take root and fester. I couldn't let him live. Not after that" Martha told him and began to cry harder.  
  
Clark felt sick he'd never known or even suspected. And why should he they had always seemed like the perfect couple.  
  
Martha got up and reached for the phone.  
  
"What are you doing" Clark asked alarmed.  
  
"Calling the cops I didn't think I'd get away with it" Martha said.  
  
Clark snatched the phone from her.  
  
"No I've already lost dad I won't lose you too. Just let me think a minute" Clark said and he did.  
  
His mind raced in a million different directions and faster than any humans was capable of. For once he thanked his photographic memory. A plan quickly formed in his mind.  
  
"I'm going to take you to Metropolis. Dad's only been dead an hour at the most and it takes three at the most to get there. You had a fight with dad this morning I don't know about what just make it up.  
  
You decided spur of the moment to go visit your parents. Enrique was driving up to Metropolis to drop off some papers for Lex and you caught a ride with him. If anyone asks how you knew Lex mentioned it to me when he called this morning.  
  
There's no way you can kill dad and be on halfway to Metropolis. Pack a bag and wash the glasses put everything back in its place. I'm going to take dad and make it seem like a farm accident." Clark said prying the glass from his dad's hand and lifting him up.  
  
Martha didn't seem to be capable of arguing and just did as he said.  
  
When Clark was done making it look like a freak farming accident he looked at the now mangled body and allowed a few tears to leak out.  
  
"I'm sorry dad but I can't lose mom she's all I have. I love you but-"Clark just broke off and wiped his face  
  
"I understand Lex better now sometimes you have to do things you'd rather not to protect those you love or even yourself. I never thought I would do anything like this but...I'll do anything to protect those I love. Forgive me" Clark then turned and walked away and didn't look back.  
  
Martha Kent was sitting with a small over night bag at her feet.  
  
"It time mom" Clark said grabbing his backpack and they headed outside.  
  
Clark grabbed her and said "hold on tight"  
  
Within minutes they were on his grandparent's street. He watched her go until she was at their door. She knocked and he heard his grandparents surprise and he zoomed off back to Smallville. He went straight to Lex's mansion.  
  
He went right on in. Lex was working on his computer. Clark stood in the doorway a few moments and just watched him. The voice in the back of his head told him he was on auto pilot. That he was in shock but he didn't want it to go away. He wanted to stay numb forever. He didn't want to be in pain.  
  
Lex looked up and smiled. He set aside his papers.  
  
'Hey Clark come on in"  
  
Clark absently noticed that it was the smile that seemed to be only reserved for him and how Lex's eyes always lighted up when he smiled like that.  
  
He walked in and sat down.  
  
Lex frowned "Are you okay Clark?"  
  
"I'm fine" Clark said waving off the worry  
  
"Are you sure" Lex asked.  
  
"Well I do need a favor. Did Enrique go up to Metropolis like you had planned? If he had left on time he should have only arrived a few hours ago." Clark said  
  
"Yes he did why?" Lex asked confusion wrinkling his brow.  
  
Clark absently noted that he looked very cute confused and that he should try to make that look appear more often.  
  
"If anyone asks can you say that mom went up with him." Clark asked  
  
"Why" Lex asked bewildered.  
  
"I can't explain not now just please its important" Clark said  
  
Lex looked him over eyes narrowed and Clark looked away from his penetrating gaze.  
  
The phone rang and Lex answered.  
  
"Speak of the devil. Enrique if anyone asks you gave Mrs. Kent a ride into Metropolis when you went up" Lex said.  
  
Clark's eyes came back to rest on Lex and he finally allowed himself to relax.  
  
He killed an hour just talking about their days. Idle chit chat without meaning. Finally Clark knew he could put it off no longer.  
  
"I've got to go home. Chores" Clark said getting up.  
  
"Do you need a ride" Lex asked  
  
Clark opened his mouth to decline then shut it and nodded. It couldn't hurt and would solidify his alibi.  
  
The drive to the farm was quiet and Clark looked out the window most of the way.  
  
"Lex have you ever had to do something you knew was wrong but had to anyway to protect someone you loved?" Clark asked  
  
"Yes" Lex finally said  
  
"Did you regret it later on?" Clark asked  
  
"Partially because it was wrong and was always on my mind but I never regretted protecting the person I loved. The gain out weighted the consequences" Lex said and looked at him.  
  
Clark wondered if he was talking about him based on the looks Lex was giving him.  
  
Clark still wasn't convinced but knew he didn't regret protecting his mother. He closed his eyes and felt something inside him give. Oh how he longed for some red kryptonite if only to get him through this.  
  
All too soon they were at the farm. They hadn't even got 2 feet from the car when the mangled body and farm equipment came into view.  
  
"Mr. Kent" Lex exclaimed rushing forward.  
  
Clark walked slower face expressionless. He wasn't ready to face this.  
  
Lex looked up at him as he knelt next to the body.  
  
"I'm sorry Clark he's gone" Lex said and Clark didn't say anything but he finally allowed the tears to come forward. His throat began to ache. It tightened and burned. His vision blurred and tears burned behind his eyes but he did not cry.  
  
He just knelt there and fought to keep the tears at bay. He couldn't cry. Didn't deserve to cry.  
  
He didn't move until the ambulance and cops came. He heard enough from the ambulance people to know they wouldn't dig deeper. They all thought it was an accident.  
  
"Come on son we've got a few questions" the sheriff said pulling him up.  
  
He looked into her face and saw nothing but compassion. She wasn't suspicious at all. Why should she be the Kent's were the picture perfect family. Clark felt an overwhelming urge to laugh.  
  
"Give him a few minutes he just found his father dead" Lex snapped.  
  
They backed off but Clark stood up anyway. He had to finish this.  
  
He lead them into the kitchen and on auto pilot offered them drinks.  
  
"Where's your mother Clark" the sheriff asked  
  
"Metropolis visiting my grandparents. She decided to go spur of the moment this morning. She got a ride with Enrique they left Smallville around one." Clark said automatically.  
  
Clark saw Lex's eyes narrow. Clark knew that by the end he would be beyond suspicious but that he wouldn't say anything at least not to the cops.  
  
"And you just discovered the body?" The sheriff asked.  
  
"I was supposed to come home straight after school and do my chores but I went to Lex's instead. I just wanted a break but maybe if I'd been there" Clark broke off and looked at his clench fists.  
  
The sheriff made the appropriate remarks and condolences. He felt Lex's gaze sharpen but he didn't contradict Clark.  
  
Clark was suddenly thankful that he'd gotten better at lying since he'd discovered he was an alien and been forced to hide the fact.  
  
The sheriff's phone rang and then she turned back to Clark.  
  
"Your mom's on her way home. And don't beat your self up to much the coroner says your father died around 2 to 2:30 while your were still in class you wouldn't have been able to do anything" the sheriff said.  
  
"I need to be alone right now can someone come get me when my mom's back" Clark said and walked to his fortress.  
  
Clark stood there for what seemed forever looking up at the sky. He watched the sun go down and the sky darken and fill with stars. Eventually he heard someone enter and climb up the stairs.  
  
"Your mom's back" Lex said  
  
Clark nodded and stood their a few minutes longer.  
  
Lex opened his mouth as if to say something then just closed it and looked away.  
  
Clark finally turned and started down the stairs. His mom all but flew in his arms weeping and Clark knew that the shock had finally faded.  
  
"Oh baby. Oh my precious baby" She wept in his arms.  
  
And still Clark couldn't cry no matter how his eyes burned or how tight his throat got. So he closed his eyes tight and said nothing.  
  
The days blurred by as Clark with Lex's help planned the funeral. Martha just cried and Clark began to wonder if now as what she had done really sank in, would she ever be okay.  
  
Surprisingly Jonathan had life insurance and it cover the funeral and mortgages. They were out of debt now.  
  
The funeral passed in a blur as most of the town showed up and showed how well loved his father had been. Clark tried to find the woman who was pregnant with his father's child but couldn't guess who it was. His mother remained tightlipped on the subject.  
  
The town was scandalized when Lionel Luthor showed up to the funeral. He headed straight for his mother and he watched closely as he pulled her close and kept her there for the whole funeral.  
  
Martha was oblivious lost in her quilt and grief. Clark knew Lionel desired his mother and vowed to keep a closer eye on him.  
  
"I'll drive you home" Lionel told Martha.  
  
Clark's eyes narrowed and his mother nodded and went around saying goodbye to everyone.  
  
Clark approached Lionel.  
  
"My condolences" Lionel said and Clark grabbed his wrist before he turned away.  
  
"Tread very carefully with my mother or the next funeral held will be yours" Clark said eyes curiously flat and grip very tight on the man's wrist. A final squeeze and he let go.  
  
Lionel rubbed his wrist and he knew there would be bruises later. He nodded curtly and his respect for the boy soared. He left and joined Martha before leading her toward his car. The cemetery quickly emptied.  
  
"Clark we need to talk" Lex said from behind him.  
  
Clark knew he'd heard the warning he'd given Lionel.  
  
Clark turned back and looked up at Lex.  
  
He reached up and touched Lex's face.  
  
"No" Clark said and then kissed him.  
  
"No talking at least not for a while" Clark said and kissed him again.  
  
He'd crossed a line and there was no turning back. His innocence was dead and deep inside he couldn't help but feel bitter. Now he knew what had pushed his mom to do it but at the same time he wished they'd never have known.  
  
He could have lived without knowing he was capable of this. So he kissed Lex and lost himself in the emotions that were rising in him. After all at the moment this was the only thing he knew that was pure and true. Maybe he could kill the bitterness before it festered in him.  
  
With Lex he felt clean again. Like the old Clark except he would never be that way again. He could never go back.  
  
The end  
  
_and I came to a resting place  
  
I tried to take just a taste  
  
the future is wasted  
  
and I can't see the light from the sun  
  
I can't even see where to run  
  
you said we are learning but_  
  
_the whole world is burning  
  
its so wrong_

_ Bitter  
  
just one more day when its already been too long  
  
_A/n so what do you think good not good?


End file.
